haven't posted for awhile, so i felt the urge to do it tonight. so i'm torn between how i should feel about ray leaving again. just when i thought one of my friends was moving back here for at least a few months, he's got another opportunity in radio over in china.
don't get me wrong. i always wish that every one of my friends make it big one day and become as successful as they can hope to be, but its hard when they do it so far away.
first i hear that kano is going to school in chicago. then just a couple days ago after be so excited about ray coming back, i hear that he's off again in two weeks. so from now on here's what i'm going to do. i will try my best to not become emotionally attached to friends. there's gotta be a trick to that all. i've detached myself from computers unless it is for work. i mean the computer that i'm on now hasn't been installed for over a month now. the old me would have had this up the night of.
i think i can also detach myself from friends as well... at least emotionally. if anyone else leaves... well. that's what they have to do. for former coworker was right. once i accept reality (which is relative), but my reality, i'll be happier. i don't care what others think reality is.
in the next five years, i hope to finally finish getting my parents their place. then i hope to be a nomad forever. life would be much better without ANY attachments, physical or emotional.
ok. now for some words from the wise:
Let us forget the lapse of time; let us forget the conflict of opinions. Let us make our appeal to the infinite, and take up our positions there.
-Chuang Tzu
The absolute tranquility is the present moment. Though it is at this moment, there is no limit to this moment, and herein is eternal delight.
-Hui-neng
In this spiritual wold there are no time divisions such as the past, present and future; for they have contracted themselves into a single moment of the present where life quivers in its true sense ... The past and the future are both rolled up in this present moment of illumination, and this present moment is not something standing still with all its contents, for it ceaselessly moves on.
-D.T. Suzuki
i thought those quotes from the tao of physics were interesting seeing how i'm on the section of quantum field theory. particles such as electrons/photon can scatter in any direction in time and space.
how does that relate to us? i take it from this angle. take the notion of no past, present or future. EVERYTHING is now. the past and future are concepts we associate to time since we've always learned that time moves forward. with new discoveries and advances in physics we know that that is not the case ALL the time.
so why live life in the past or future? is there a point? ever since i was young i think my parents have always kinda hinted at that notion. i would always ask them what we would do tomorrow, when, etc. you know what my dad tells me?! we'll know when tomorrow comes. i always hated that anwser. guess what?! i kinda live by that same rule. i've never planned anything. my rule was you'll know when i know. i was happier.
with ages brings more and more memories of the past. i mean, it makes sense. you have MORE and MORE memories as you live out each day. BUT those are just memories. you learn from them and move on.
so what's my message. don't live in the past and don't rely too much on tomorrow. what matters is THIS moment. and here's a cliche... live it to the fullest! drinking, smoking, sailing, driving, flying... i will experience it all before i get put six foot under. my last breath will NOT be filled with any regrets.
