can't sleep

so i'm starting my post early today in case i don't get to put in an entry like yesterday. plus the fact that i can't sleep at all so i may as well do something constructive. as a note to myself, remember to pickup some tranquilnite from mother's market.

lately i haven't been able to sleep very well. i always have dreams or thoughts that just take over my mind while i'm trying to rest and all the activities just overwhelm my head. right now i'm wide awake and not tired at all even though i think my brain is processing a gaming algorithm as i type. its almost like a run away process that i can't stop. sounds nerdy huh? that's my world and that's the only way i know how to describe it.

so what gaming tree am i processing? i think its life and all the possible decisions i could have should have made type of tree. i've process all the possible scenarios that i can think of over the past few weeks. there have been lots of mistakes that i've chosen, and i think i know the consequences yet i don't care most of the time. other mistakes i wish i could take back, but life moves onward. so why do i keep looking back in the past?

i've always been a person that says i should live looking towards the future and learn from the past. these past few weeks i've been living in the past and not looking forward to opportunities in the future. why can't i get my head out of the past and move on? i mean i can write it down in words, even think about it, so why is it so hard. everyone keeps on telling me it takes time. i wish i can speed things up, but at the same time i'm afriad of life passing me by. i want life to be simple again like i use to think of it. nothing in life is simple i guess.
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