merry christmas!

i had the usual year again kinda. came home for church with my faimly yesterday. this year we didn't go to the same church, instead we went to a much smaller one in long beach. i must say, i liked the small one better. less of the nonsense we have at our local church. plus i think the fact that i didn't have to stand and it wasn't crowded made it much better.

after church my mom prepared dinner for us which i must say i finished fast this time. i always like my mom's cooking. can't wait to move my parents next year when the housing prices come down. my brother and i are going to both chip in for their house, but i don't think we'll be living with them. =) i don't mind coming over everyday for dinner though. hehe.

today my parents drove to santa ana to pickup lobster, crab, and various foods which we each love to eat. my sis woke up early to head to work and us boys just slept in till 1 something. we're lazy huh. =) shortly after i finished washing up and came out, my parents were already home and had food all prepared on the table ready for us to eat. perfect timing. i guess by now they know when we usually wake up. poor parents, always waiting to eat with us pretty late.

after eating kenny and i started up some counter-strike. man. i was on a roll. top of my team too. then danny came in. ;) that bum. =) once he came in my ratio just shot to hell. hehe. but i have more fun playing with friends rather than if i had done well. i think i'm the type of person that just enjoys the company. i don't really care how i'm doing. i just like the yelling and cursing and to have someone listen to me. ;)

you know... now that i think about it... i'm really an attention whore. i enjoy getting attention, bad or good it doesn't really matter. everthing i do up to this point demands attention. as much as i kept telling gretchen not to worry about what others think and to do what makes you happy, i don't really live by those words. although i guess what makes me happy and getting attention go hand in hand.

i use to think that i was a simple person, that i'm always happy. the reality of it all is that i'm a pretty complex emtional wreck. i may be more moody deep down than gretchen may seem to be. i use to think gretchen was very moody, but i guess i just hide mine a little better. so what does that make me? i don't know anymore. i use to think i know what i want in life. life is so dynamic that my wants constantly change. success to me is not monetary, but valued at finding a special someone and having a happy family.

lots of changes have taken place this past year. i keep telling myself that things with turn out for the best. one day i will look back and actually believe it.
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