looks like one of those nights AGAIN...

been laying in bed since 9.45pm tossing and turning listening to music to distract myself to sleep only to find that i've found new meaning to most of the songs that came up on my shuffled playlist. its amazing how each song varies in complexity in terms of lyric composition, but none the less the ones that are not complex can also be appreciated for its subtle melody and trance.

tonight i'm going to change it up from the last time i blogged. this time i'm going to watch a movie that my coworker brought for me. the last movie he lent me to watch was well performed and scripted. the simpleness of the movie is a masterpiece in itself. for those reading my blog and want to watch something more meaningful and yet fun at the same time, give 'big night' a try. now a days tv has a bunch of shit playing anyhow, but hey, to each his own. watch what you want to watch. who am i to criticize your taste in entertainment. fuck the critics that tell you otherwise.

now playing... crimes and misdemeanors.

good fucking night for those that can sleep. cheers to those staying up all morning with me.

... 2 hours later ...

holy fuckin aye. how is it that i haven't watched crimes and misdemeanors before. woody allen is a genious. of course i'm speaking subjectively, but none the less. religion, if you believe whole heartedly is a great constraint in life if you think of it as creating bounds moral judgement. without it... men and women can rationalize ANYTHING to be their absolute truth. as most of you already know, good and bad are words that are relative so i don't have to lecture you on it.

people like woody allen's charactor who live in the ideal world always seem to get fucked. the ideal world is where most people WANT to live in, but it is reality that prevails in the end. i've found it extremely hard to live life ideally when i see happier people in the real world.

what i've also picked up in the movie as it was coming to a close, was this one statement... our life is the summation of the choices we've made in it. choices dictate behavior. human beings are great at lying to themselves... or you can say that we are great at rationalizing the TRUTH. we can make anything true once we convince ourselves to believe in how we act or what we say.

basic human instincts though, cannot be faked. humans are fucked up in that sense because most of the time our basic instincts contradict each other. take for example the intricate relationship between men and women. if or when you guys watch crimes and misdeanors, pay attention to and see if you can pick out the basic human instincts and how they contradict. if i give you any more hints other than that you'll be biased as to what you want to see, so watch it and tell me what you think. i can tell you that no matter how guys act or lead you into thinking how they want you to think, deep down there's more to it as well. i've also made a bias analysis
of women and for the most part it still holds true time after time.

i can spend my entire lifetime debating the matter, but is it worth it... to an openminded person there is no anwser and we'll be in constant turmoil searching for the answers. to a closeminded person, there may be no issue at all. ignorance IS bliss.

so why can't i ever have a decent nights rest anymore? or rather, rarely do i find good rest. i would continue reading my new book 'a brief history of time,' but that blows my mind away on another level. bah to both einstein and newton... why did they have to prove that we do not have absolute time nor space. the universe is a beautiful masterpiece. i believe we as humans have only scratched the surface to understanding the universe. without relativity, there would be no soft bounds to govern what most believe IS the truth. time can be bent just as light can be bent. there's so much more that i've learned from the book just from roughly reading 30 pages. it's amazing that stephen hawking can articulate such complex thoughts and theories into something us mortals can understand. i have SUCH an appreciation for artists, authors, poets, professors, etc.. whomever or whatever which can articulate so well and progress or advance the human mind.

sometimes i wish i was just an ignorant fuck. life would be much simplier... sigh.

it is now 4.37am relative to the time on my phone. going to read my book, but first i'm going to finish watching the jack johnson upside down video.