another day of therapy

today was another hard day to deal with. got woken up by a message on my laptop from my coworker. before i left for the weekend i had these 2 defects i'd needed to fix before today. didn't really feel like working on them last week or when i returned from vegas so i just let them be till this morning. see.. i have my laptop read my messages as it comes in and i had it connected to my home stereo so of course its like a really loud alarm.

so today i wokeup at 9am. verified that one defect wasn't really a defect and i fixed the other one which was just to provide a stupid message. anyhow, as i was working my dad gives me a call. i was suppose to meet up with him today at the hospital and see how my grampa was doing. apparently he had to go into the hospital this weekend because water is building up in his brain. this is the grampa i didn't really get a chance to get close to since my grandparents came over here when i was high school. not only was that the case, but my grampa developed alzheimer's. i still went to visit out of respect.

as i got there i think it hit me that i felt remorse for not having to get closer to my grampa. i mean i had opportunities in high school, but i think our relationship was more formal. now i look at him in his hospital bed and a wild rush of so many thoughts came into my head. everything i went through these past few months just overwhelmed me.

i walked out of the hospital totally dazed. right now i just have so many strong feelings that i'll have to save for another day to think things over. after the hospital visit i stopped by to grab a quick lunch at carl's, came home tried to eat and it took me pretty long just to finish a simple spicy chicken sandwich. i ordered just that and a shake and right now the shake sits in front me without a sip out of it yet. the rest of the afternoon i kinda wanted to just sleep away. so i took a long nap and for some reason my body felt really hot like it had a fever. that's why i'm up again right now blogging this in case i go back to sleep for good.

i just don't want to deal with today.