sigh...

another day. last night i had to go out for a breather. eddie and i met up with eileen over at D&B's for some dinner, drinking, and pool. i wished that i could say that it made me feel better, but still no luck. these recent days are some of the most difficults days of my life. my drinking tends to wear off faster these days too, which means its more expensive if i keep going at this rate. at least i was tired enough from drinking that i got some sleep in.

today i'm going to go out for lunch with judy in irvine. she's back on her night shifts for work so she doesn't have to go to work till 5pm. i'm glad i at least have someone to eat lunch with today. its not that great eating by myself. sigh...

...

just thought i'd blog a little before some sleep. today turned out to be pretty good. after lunch and hanging out with judy i felt somewhat better. i think days where i talk to friends or especially when i hangout with a friend i can deal with my problems more easily. friendship is a precious gift. i'm glad to be surrounded by caring friends that want me to get better. i'll remember this guys. you will always be in my heart and i wish all you guys only the happiest moments in life.

here's a special message to you kris. don't feel that i avoided telling you because i dislike you or want to distance myself from you. its just difficult to communicate my problems with you these days since you've been away. i understand that you needed to be away in order to sort things out yourself. i appreciate you wanting to help me through this difficult time. i think in time i will heal and look back on this as another lesson in life. understand though, that at the moment its just hard to deal with on certain days. somedays like today when i can hangout with friends it helps a lot, but i don't want to be a burden everyday even if everyone says otherwise. i don't want to bring anyone down with me.

hopefully tomorrow will be another successful day. i'll never know how i wakeup feeling. i just take it a day at a time. eileen is going to meet me tomorrow for ramen. just so long as i don't eat alone. i hate eating alone and looking at others enjoying their lunch with others around them. i was looking forward to spending time with G a lot more this winter break, but i guess that took a complete 180. hopefully one day we can talk again. i just don't know how much we'll talk though since i was able to tell G everything. now it just won't be the same. i thought once that us being friends would be ok. to be honest, i don't know how this will play out.

well. goodnight for now. any day i can sleep without the help of alcohol is good.