ok. so i got up early to shower and washup at 9am. i forgot to mention in yesterday's post that i sent G an IM asking if she could spare a few minutes for me to say goodbye ti her before she goes back up to stockton. i'm going to miss her lots especially because we really didn't get to spend that much time together this break as i had planned. i had lots planned for us to do, but i didn't really tell G that before our inncendent. i figured she had a long stressful semester and needed a break away from school so we would have gone out to catch some snow, do some gambling in vegas, take longs drives together to SD and hangout, etc. all that was canned though after everything that happened.
instead i had to alter all my plans and spent time with my long lost friends. i have to admit i do enjoy their company and thank them so much for allowing me to intrude on their lives. =) thanks guys!
in the middle of writing this there was a knock on the door, which i assumed was gretchen, yes i said gretchen. i think i'm at a point where i can use her name again with. progress right? she came over for a visit as i had asked her to make an effort to. it was good i guess. we got a chance to talk a little more than we have in the past few weeks. i just wanted to assure that we can still remain friends even if she doesn't feel the same way about me as i did for her. such is life. the important outcome for me was that we remain good friends at the least.
as i told eileen last night... i see 2 happy endings. one, that gretchen and i are together again in the future. option one seems more fuzzy everyday, but hey remember i hate to give up even if it's a lost cause. option two, is that we have a future as great friends even if we are separated and with other people. i can live with option two, but prefer option one. again i can only do so much and push so far. i realize i can't force someone to feel the same way i do or how i want them to feel.
i'll leave that thought at that for now. these next few days will be very busy getting ready for the coming year. today i have to run tons of errands before the wedding reception i'm attending. still have my background check forms to fill out for work etc etc. didn't even have time to get in my morning excerise, but that was well worth it to be able to chat with grechen.
for now, i just want to let everyone know that i'll be ok. no need to worry that much about me because i know i should take care of myself first so that i can look forward to a happy future. there are many more memories to be made. just have to remember that i have to take both the good and the bad ones.
don't know if i'll have a chance to blog anymore today. so for now, i bid everyone ado until my next post. new days ahead...
...
here is something i found for inspiration.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
------ author unknown
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