another fun day at work

i'm not being sarcastic in my title in case you are wondering. =p that's an entirely genuine statement. i'm still learning lots which i've always said before in choosing my career path; if it's not fun, it's not for me. my sys admin mentor, hans is still the same hans i've known in the past. greatest person to work with since i know i can always learn much more from him. i still have more to learn in the IT industry, but that area seems a bit dry at the moment. i do appreciate the political battles i've been through and lessons i've learned all in hindsight. i've also taken the experiences of professionalism and the process and methods that goes into IT projects.

outside of work though, as eddie and i were crossing the street from our bus stop home. these two girls in their suv rolled down their window to say hi. that totally took me by surprise. i was actually looking at the driver, seeing how i've always had a thing for blonds, then all of a sudden her friend rolls down the window and says hi to eddie and i. at first i thought they were talking to someone else, but when i looked around it was just eddie, me, and this one other girl carrying her dog. i looked back and i could see their eyes directly looking at us. i froze like a dumbass and didn't really react gracefully. neither did eddie though. =) i think we're both way to shy. looking back on it now there were a few things we could have said, but didn't. damn. i don't think i'd ever expect that to happen. so that made my evening.

i started my workout routine today. finally! dang david was too lazy last week and this week he was telling me he had gotten a whiplash from kickboxing during the weekend. i dragged his ass to the gym still and i started on some chest machines and one back machine. we'll work in freeweights again next week hopefully when dave is back in shape. i can't wait. another 10lbs here i come. i'd never thought that i would linger a little below 110. still my goal is to be at 130 so there's lots more to build. funny how these days i have to unbutton my pants to get some breathing room. guess i should start my situps again. =p anyhow today was a great start. my arms are sore as fuck. could barely drive even with both hands, but pain is always good. i don't think i need to remind you of that cliche. and for those that complain about working out, tough luck, it comes with the territory. suck it up and get your ass in shape. if you say you're fat, do something about it and stop whining. i'll sum it up in one word... listen up... LIFESTYLE.

so i've finally made my way onto chapter 3 of the book tao of physics. this read will take me some time since there is so much from reading just one sentence. i'm still learning so much, which like a typical geek, always excites me. so many philosophers have summed up what i've always thought in a much more organized structure. these consepts and ideas date back so far and yet regurgitated over and over so many times in various forms by others that never give credit where credit is due. one of my all time quote i still have up on my main website says "The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it." my man karl marx. it's not good enough that we understand what's going on, but what are we to do about it. physicists have always lived up to that quote seeing how they've always formulated new ideas to improve the way we think about the world.

tonight's post will end with another passage from what i've read today. there are lots, but i'll mention the one that comes out best in my mind. Here's a famous sentence from Descartes, of which is also on the top of my favorite's list:

Cogito ergo sum -- I think, therefore I exist

as Fritjof Capra states -- has lead Westerners to equate their identity with their minds, instead of with their whole organism. As a consequence of the Cartesian division, most individuals are aware of themselves as isolated egos existing 'inside' their bodies. The mind has been seperated from the body and given the futile task of controlling it, thus causing an apparent conflict between the conscious will and the involuntary instincts. Each individual has been split up further into a large number of separate compartments, according to his or her activities, talents, feelings, beliefs, etc., which are engaged in endless conflicts generating continuous metaphyical confusion and frustration.

later on he'll link how when the mind is at ease and the body and mind reacts out of awareness, can also be thought of as instincts, that that state is enlightenment. my coworker yoon told me once as i was on a natural learning high, and feeling like i've learned so much already, that acceptance was a state of enlightment. i can see how everything relates now. when i can demonstrate knowledge from pure instincts, without having to think at all, i've reached that enlighted stage of learning. yet there are sooooo many areas of life that i have yet to explore and observe. i've only concentrated on technology for the past 10 years of my life, dedicating hours and hours of relentlous reading and experimenting with vast technologies. there are certain tasks that i can perform without thinking, but there are still areas i'm weak in.

should that be the path i head towards? i love philosophy so much because it has a root in almost every field. the innovative and forward thinkers in each subject always reflects on philosophy to conquer the unkown to make them known. science and math has advanced so far that maybe 1-3 people in the entire world can grasp its entirety or the most leading edge thought. why is that i don't find people more enthused to learn more. we would all benefit from progress, yet most do nothing or want no involvement. i feel that i've only learned 1%, if that of everything i have a vested intrest in. sad. the human lifespan, even today, is not enough. specialization or broad knowledge. tough battles to fight.

i hope i've shed some light on today's post. sorry about the ramblings in the beginning. i write what i think, uncensored. everyone is human. =)

good night sleep

started out the week with hooters, the clippers game, and a few beers. good way to get some rest. i thought it was weird hanging out with one pharmacist before, but 4 at once, i feel underpaid. =) it's cool that these guys are actually pretty nice though. pretty down to earth people and not stuck up even though they make like 130k. and that's working every other week! damn i'm in the wrong field. ;)

all is well though. i enjoy what i do and that's all that matters. like that cliche says, mo money mo problems... for guys more ass. i guess girls too. =)

aight. no poetic posts or passages tonight. i'm tired as fuck and heading to bed. oh. enjoy the new album i've added to my playlist, the fray.

nites.

passage

while reading the tao of physics, i came across this passage right before the start of the first chapter that elicited my attention. the passage is as follows:

Any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you ... Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question ... Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use.
Clarlos Castenada, The Teachings of Don Juan

just thought i'd share that with everyone reading this blog. we may have heard this in one form or another and that it may sound cliche, but sometimes we just need to bethink certain nuances in our lives. this message could have easily been forgotten or compartmentalized and put away over time and or our busy schedules.

unsettling feeling

feels strange to be back home. i still feel like i have to catch a flight and that my weekends are too short. i guess i will have to get use to the fact that its all over. no more travel. no more dealing with ibm, or at least our division since i can't blame the company as a whole for making me want to leave. in the long run i'll be better for doing so considering all my options.

is it possible to breathe a sigh of relief and at the same time feel uneasy for being in one place? i think it'll be good for me to set some goals and achieve them in the next 5 years so that i have as little downtime as possible, yet also not waste that time with mundane tasks. time to expand my horizons and move away from my typical self in front of the computer screen 24x7. of course it pays my bills, so i can't be rid of it entirely sad to say.

my todo list:

• remember to ask for recommendation letters from west coast practice exec during my exit interview
• gre
• masters
• read tao of physics next
• continue sketching
• improve on golf for when kano gets back
  
• pick up archery with eric
  
• take sailing and vietnamese classes at school with du
• research habitat for humanity with eddie
• donate everything in my room except bed of course (tailor room to promote creative thinking)
• improve reading technique/skills (currently: 246 wpm @ 73% comprehension)
• add this list on a permanent site for tracking progress
  

freestyle rhymes

sittin here eaten my chewy ass steak
what a mistake
i'm better off sittin here spitin out lyrics
can yah'll hear this
little mc
i pack a big punch
like yo fat asses inhalen yah'll lunch
life on the streets is foe yah'll wack ass niggaz
yeah i said niggaz
call me what you want fuckaz
yo words mean nothin
just cause yah frontin
the only gansta attitude
comes from watchin yah'll mtv
now i don't claim to be tough
huffin and puffin on my pipe, psych...

...to be continue as i get back to dinner...

don't get me wrong
i ain't haten
always debatin
my internal turmoil
is like the war in iraq
questionable
over time my rhymes will come natural
like yah'll on herbal remedies
sippin on hennessey
that'd be me
j. to the i. to the double m. y.
so fly
gettin high

last weekend of work with ibm

(click on the picture to view the album)
here's what my cubicle looks like in may, after four months of high stress, chaos, bad management and unrealistic expectations. during this phase, there were lots of sleepless nights, drinking, smoking, traveling, piercing, and throwing up. i must have visited over 20 bars from downtown vancouver, seattle, olympia, tumwater, LA, to austin.

this has been one hell of a journey and now its winding down as i prepare to depart from the corporate consultant lifestyle. good luck to everyone that i've crossed paths with and may the future bring us back at some point in our lives. each and every person, has in some way contributed to whom i am, which is why i think i'm in such chaos at times. none the less, the experience may be worth all the happiness, pain, excitement, etc. at least i would hope so looking back on this years later.

the olympian

Letters to the editor

Officials must be willing to pull plug on projects

Having read The Olympian's article on the Department of Correction's OMNI project, I doubt if the project will meet its latest cost and schedule expectations. State government and Microsoft have apparently more in common than their monopoly, namely project cost and schedule overruns. What a surprise! Information Services Board has always maintained that the project agencies are ultimately responsible for the success or failure of information technology projects. ISB must however take responsibility for allowing continuation of failing projects.

As the article pointed out, successful completion of information technology projects necessitates a stable structural environment. There are at least a dozen factors that influence the structural integrity of an IT project. Legislative changes, however, are a fact of life. The Legislature must respond to social, economic and political changes. The project agency and more importantly the ISB must exercise more diligence in bringing closure to IT projects when changes to the structural integrity of projects threaten successful completion. While working as an oversight agent for the Department of Information Services back in early 1990s, I set the stage for closure of the COSMOS project at DSHS. Sliding a failing project's schedule and/or pumping more funds into it should seldom be the first option.

New projects can always be initiated. The larger the project, the more difficult it is to manage change. At one time, ISB encouraged the agencies to take on shorter and less costly (under $1.5 million) projects. This policy has apparently gone by the wayside.

Javad Naini, Olympia

letter of resignation

tonight i submitted my letter of resignation. may 15th with mark my last day with ibm.